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Post Date: 2013-11-18 20:42:13 by farmfriend
TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home. DINING OUT 1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. 2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared ...

Thanksgiving 2022
Post Date: 2013-11-16 21:10:47 by farmfriend
Poster Comment:Thanksgiving 2022 "Winston, come into the dining room, it's time to eat," Julia yelled to her husband. "In a minute, honey, it's a tie score," he answered. Actually Winston wasn't very interested in the traditional holiday football game between Detroit and Washington. Ever since the government passed the Civility in Sports Statute of 2017, outlawing tackle football for its "unseemly violence" and the "bad" example it sets for the rest of the world", Winston was far less of a football fan than he used to be. Two-hand touch wasn't nearly as exciting. Yet it wasn't the game that Winston was uninterested in. It ...

Mountain Twerker....
Post Date: 2013-11-16 17:07:54 by X-15
Poster Comment:Don't ask me how I found this :)

Claim: World's First Vegan Condom
Post Date: 2013-11-14 19:03:18 by X-15
With the help of a 22 second Ad promo that is garnering quite a bit of attention for its message, an Australian company, Glyde, claims to have created the world's only certified ethical, vegan and Fair Trade condom. Furthermore, the manufacturers say it has never been tested on animals. In the Ad "Animals," romantic lighting and sultry music provide the vibe for a scantily clad beauty who seductively delivers the following message: "There are a million ways to pleasure a woman. You can use your hands. Your mouth. Even toys."But you wouldn't f**k me with something that's been inside a horse, would you?" According to their website, Maxi * Extra Large ...

Tears Came Out of Turtle's Eyes
Post Date: 2013-11-13 12:50:38 by Turtle

Post Date: 2013-11-12 15:10:10 by christine
This just came in.... Choosing a Username at "You must enter a password to proceed." -roses "Sorry, too few characters." -pretty roses "Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character." -1 pretty rose "Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces." -1prettyrose "Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters." -1fuckingprettyrose "Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character." -1FUCKINGprettyrose "Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively." -1FuckingPrettyRose "Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters." - ...

Epic Jedi Knight
Post Date: 2013-11-12 09:50:47 by Turtle

Russian Man Nails Testicles To Street To Protest The Police State
Post Date: 2013-11-11 17:29:45 by Jethro Tull
Russian Man Nails Testicles To Street To Protest The Police State 16 hours ago | International, Politics | Posted by Kristin Tate November 11, 2013 // Some people dislike the police state more than others. Russian artist Pyotr Pavlensky really dislikes the police state. On Sunday, Pavlensky stripped naked and nailed his testicles to a Red Square cobblestone to protest the Kremlin’s crackdown on political rights. His stunt took place on Russia’s annual holiday, “Police Day.” The artist, who is from Saint Petersburg, said on that he was attempting to draw attention to Russia’s growing “police state.” Well, he certainly drew ...

Spiders on drugs
Post Date: 2013-11-09 11:25:21 by X-15

Jethro Tull
Post Date: 2013-11-08 09:09:57 by christine
Poster Comment:Happy Birthday* :)

The Brillunce of Turtle
Post Date: 2013-11-07 10:39:58 by Turtle
Actually it's the brilliance of YouTube and the internet. The security light came on on my 1999 Chevy Lumina. The mechanics I called quoted right at $300 (and the dealer $500) to fix the problem, which was changing the lock cylinder (which I can do but never have done). When I checked on YouTube a bunch of guys said no, no, no, cut the orange wire under the dash (which goes to that crappy Vehicle Anti-Theft system), solder in enough resistors to match the resistor in the key, and you're done. So I did it and the light went out. The car runs fine. Cost: $10 for a 500 multipack of resistors, $5 for solder. I already had a $30 multimeter to test resistance and a cigarette lighter ...

Meet Mr. Balls, Brazilís Disturbing New Testicular Cancer Mascot
Post Date: 2013-11-01 19:04:43 by Jethro Tull
Meet Mr. Balls, Brazil’s Disturbing New Testicular Cancer Mascot Posted by Jeff Cormier on Thursday, October 24, 2013 · Leave a Comment     A Brazilian testicular cancer awareness group has created a mascot for the cause that is beyond disturbing. Say hello to Mr. Balls, or “Senhor Testiculo”, the wide-eyed, dual-toothed, rosy-cheeked, mole-sporting scrotum that will cause a lifetime of nightmares for anyone who lays eyes on him. The little curly hairs are an especially nice touch.   [NY Daily News]  

Turtle's Favorite Joke
Post Date: 2013-10-31 14:32:24 by Turtle

I want my country back songs
Post Date: 2013-10-30 18:42:11 by Jethro Tull
Poster Comment:Catch the rifle hanging over the fireplace.

Backlash over Beijing police tips for women drivers
Post Date: 2013-10-30 18:19:45 by Dakmar
BEIJING: Don’t wear high heels while driving. Make sure you release the handbrake before setting off. And don’t panic if you suddenly realise you’re going the wrong way. Those are some of the suggestions given by the Beijing police department to women drivers in a series of microblog postings that have sparked a backlash among Chinese Internet users who say the tips are sexually discriminatory. “Some women drivers lack a sense of direction, and while driving a car, they often hesitate and are indecisive about which road they should take,” reads one of the suggestions, posted on the police department’s official microblog late Tuesday. Women drivers, the ...

What Men Want: Condoms That Fit
Post Date: 2013-10-30 16:57:46 by X-15
Many men want more condom sizes, new research suggests. When offered more than the usual range of options, many men seek a more customized fit, according to a study published in July in the journal Sexual Health. Only about 1 in 7 men go with the standard sizes offered in the United States. However, one of the study co-authors is the CEO of the company that sold the condoms, and the study was based on the first 1,000 men who bought the company's condoms on the Internet, so it may be hard to draw conclusions about the preferences of the general population. Range of sizes Even so, a recent study found that the average penis size is about 5.56 inches (14.12 centimeters), but there is ...

(Halloween) Drive Thru Skeleton Driver Prank
Post Date: 2013-10-29 11:51:52 by X-15
Poster Comment:Funny!!

Looking For Space
Post Date: 2013-10-27 02:11:36 by Esso

Sad Songs
Post Date: 2013-10-20 22:19:09 by Esso

Humor: "Don't Worry Ben, I Got This!"
Post Date: 2013-10-19 09:27:04 by Horse

Be Somebody
Post Date: 2013-10-18 23:43:04 by Armadillo
Poster Comment:We all wanna be somebody, we just need a taste of who we are. We all wanna be somebody, we’re willing to go but not that far. ...

Best comeback line ever...
Post Date: 2013-10-17 01:56:25 by christine
Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous. Recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication. The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around,' he stated. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to ...

Post Date: 2013-10-13 10:30:06 by christine
Poster Comment:In celebration of the rain we got last night! Finally....

ODE to Shoonra
Post Date: 2013-10-11 05:39:26 by noone222

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